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<title>and to think I was on my roots by fourthdimnsion</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26896990">and to think I was on my roots</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fourthdimnsion/pseuds/fourthdimnsion'>fourthdimnsion</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Better Call Saul (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Experimental Style, F/M, Feelings Realization, Mild Language, Not Canon Compliant, Overthinking, lalo's top 10 internal monologues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:33:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>996</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26896990</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fourthdimnsion/pseuds/fourthdimnsion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>For once, Lalo's ongoing train of thoughts were drawn to something else other than his business; and Kim doesn't make any effort to make it happen.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eduardo "Lalo" Salamanca/Kim Wexler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>and to think I was on my roots</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i dedicate this fic for that one person that had shown interest into this rarepair (nic i see you)</p>
<p>anyway there's nothing else to add i just wrote this at 3am absolutely tired but eager to write anything about them, and there is it. hope yall enjoy &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lalo had never, ever, thought of insomnia as a curse. It allows him to be productive. The quietness of the evenings whether he’s alone or not are like peace once unfavoured in the mornings, afternoons, and even nights where he’s the one to take care of it all. The lonely hours whose everyone sleeps and he’s hit with insomnia is, actually, a blessing. </p>
<p>Tonight is different. </p>
<p>Of all the things he could be planning right now, no one of them, not a single one has to do with the cartel. Doesn’t have his uncle’s face; nor Varga’s constant intimidating stare; nor Fring’s stern voice trying to keep it cool even when it’s clear that he’s hiding something, even his feelings. None of it has to do with them, with all of these people at the very moment he’s awake here. </p>
<p>His mind seems to be blank. He cannot think of something straight for a few minutes before looking at the woman at his side, blonde strands of hair loosen on the pillow where her face is unseen by him. Lalo feels particularly offended and slightly uncertain of why, always in the aftermath of the things they do in the same rented room, she always turns her back to him to drive off to sleep for half an hour until waking up without saying a thing about this topic. </p>
<p>Kim isn’t necessarily someone important to him. Not… not yet as far as he can think of. And that’s funny, because once again his focus draws a trail to her quite like the way her blonde hair shines against the street lights from outside. As far as he <em> can </em> think of, she’s just someone whose he has been spending a good time with, no feelings attached because the kind of relationship they share isn’t the conventional one that can lead him into thinking that they’re <em> something else</em>. But then, he cannot think of someone else but her.</p>
<p>He frowns, and a smile curls his lips in amusement of how this logic has been taking, the roads it forms and the possibilities that surely go across his mind, but none of them are actually considered. Lalo doesn’t even blink in terms of considering one of them, because he’ll surely deny any of those. </p>
<p>Lalo looks at his side, whose Kim is still asleep. He looks, looks, and believes that staring for too long might take him into another chain of thoughts which now might be unbreakable, or hardly avoided. He’s laid with her, his head well rested on the pillow as well as hers, but deep down he felt like tonight would be different. That, after the rough or soft — it depends on her preference — and certainly awesome sex they have, she would lay her head on his chest and would drift off to sleep for the still half-hour rest she deserves. She works hard, Lalo has heard of stories and has seen her with boxes full of non-conventional cases that go right on her heart. She works her ass off for a reason, and that reason is surely about finding herself while guided by her gut, by how she feels overly passionate, by how she can feel like she’s actually useful to the world. </p>
<p>He doesn’t know about that, doesn’t know Kim fully enough. Which isn’t bad because he has nothing to do with her job; Kim had made miracles when it came to Lalo’s felonies, he was astonished, she was with herself as well, and there’s a blur to explain how they went from that place to both naked in the same shared bed. That’s all he can tell. But— He finds it pretty awesome of her. He even admires Kim for being who she was, the badass attorney-at-law she’s. </p>
<p>Yet, the spiral of a nonchalantly monologue narrated by his voice in two languages isn’t something on his roots, not when Kim Wexler is the topic. No, Lalo Salamanca can do better than to be caught into a dilemma of loving or not loving, of getting too close from the sun that he can get burnt as much as she can, riding in a road full of stops and wonders whose he cannot allow himself to have at this very moment. Only the realization of being the slightest bothered because he doesn’t see her pretty face, admiring it longingly with his mind quiet as much as the night, wasn’t something he’s looking for. Not tonight. </p>
<p>Lalo sighs silently, careful to not wake up Kim. </p>
<p>He sinks further into the pillow, and between the ceiling and the woman on his side, he decides to finally focus on her no matter how distant she is. Isn’t bad to think about her, sometimes it’s even refreshing to have something on his mind other than the ongoing thought of who is or isn’t his ally, who’s the friend and who’s the foe. </p>
<p>Right now, he believes that she might be a friend. </p>
<p>When he turns on his side and places a warm hand on her arm as a way to tell that he’s still here — hoping that she catches the hint of him not going any sooner than her —, Kim immediately places her own hand above his, her fingers unconsciously almost intertwining with his. It wasn’t her intention, though, because if it was she would go further and do it already considering that no one is there to witness it. Lalo guessed that and he wasn’t any wrong. Above everything he’s feeling, he respected her space, so that’s why he himself didn’t do what she would right away do intentionally. </p>
<p>But when Lalo stops himself from the ongoing thoughts to notice what he had just pictured in his absent-sleep mind, he doesn’t say it out loud, but he has to admit that tonight, insomnia was a curse. </p>
<p>Because, oh well. The way his stomach froze and his chest fluttered with the thought of their fingers fully intertwined wasn’t a good signal. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>don't ask me i don't know either</p></blockquote></div></div>
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